THIS IS THE REAL BARTON FUNK

2008-11-25T10:55:00.001-08:00

G0ldfrapp - D0 not G0 2 link iPunk iComputers

2006-12-19T19:03:00.001-08:00

http://www.tickets.de/uploads/tx_tickets/goldfrapp.jpg

Blogs r still dead ... and we r proof

2006-12-19T19:03:00.000-08:00

w311, we h4v3 2 s4y +h4+ 411 +h4+ 0+h3r 5+uff !z 2 (0mpl!(4t3d 4 u5. +h!5 k!d M4++ h45 4 8l0g 480u+ 5+uff +h4+ !z N (0m!( 800k5 N m0v!35. W3 l!k3 5up3rm4n 2:+h3 r!(h4rd D0nner (utm0r3 +h4n M4++. +h4+ !z 411.

H4v3 4 LOVESEXY X-m45. P13453 u53 +h3 l!n3s 2 wr!+3 UR 0wn b10g d!r3c+1y 0n UR LCD m0n!+0r:
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Blogs are DEAD

2006-10-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Try the RSS feeds, the Wikis, the podcast. This sucks.

Sorry for the trouble, and thanks for all the help!

2006-05-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

We want to let you know that teh album will drop like the apple in timez squarz ... just start the count down. Until that day ...10 ... we would recomend the following: Lolita by Prince, Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, leeuwenhoek by g3rm +h30ry, anyfriggin'thang by Johnny friggin' Cash or Massive Attack.

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Space Sea Monkey’s Repellent

2006-03-24T11:47:00.000-08:00

Hey kidz! Everythang iz all funked up at the head office these days. We - The REAL BARTON FUNK - have been very busy - very very busy G - working on the next round of space attack movie operas and the slamin’ album that will blow your mindz. We have about 30 songz recorded on the finest magnetic tape that money can’t buy. We R broke and 2 transfixed 2 concentrate on the major new infestation that has struck our eye holes. Go Digital G-money! Tragedy at the berlin film festival if U ask us (and we know U did.) The Space Sea Monkeys have show their dirty gillz N our neighborhood yet again 4 the fifth time in the past millenium. “Bis interimitur qui suis armis perit” the Space Sea Monkeys alwayz say! Well we alwayz reply:

“Brevity is the Sin of Excess!”

And we are not excessive so we have not brevity - word up! So, 2 keep this funk train rollin’ we are going 2 have 2 make a pact with the Space Bees 2 fight these bloody Space Sea Monkeys. More Space than Monkeys if U ask us. Beneficium accipere libertatem est vendere. And Ain’t that the truth Ruth Tooth? On the most recent problematic juxtaposition foundation we inquired about super insulating our brain candy. Well, that iz not going to take place any time any where.

Now that we have cleared this little matter up where shall we go on ice cream holiday?

Where The Bloody Hell R The Fundz????????

2006-03-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

4 real ... Eye have received not 1 single offer 4 fundz! 2s of people read this blog every year but we have not 1 offer of fundz 2 help us create the “Modern Master Funk Album.” That’s correct ... when you say the name of the album U must say “‘Modern Master Funk Album’ album.”

PAY UP NOW!

Oh Know! Eye Kneed Help!

2006-03-17T12:39:00.000-08:00

When eye sayz eye we meanz uz. Zo, now that thiz iz N the way u'll get right 2 the point. We, or eye az it iz - needz ur fundz. That'z correct on the dot John Spot! We R broke N will need a substantial hot cash injection to complete our bombtastic (and thiz word haz nutin 2 do with a bomb that will hurt people or a bomb that iz a failure) al'bum. We - THE REAL BARTON FUNK - must tell U that we have gone N a new direction with thiz new album N that involvez much more loot. The direction iz that we use the letter "z" instead of the letter "s" at the end of wordz. Az iz obvious to even the most ignorant among U baseheadz if the letter "s" cost X dollarz the letter "z" must cost X+7 dollarz. So, we need 7 more dollarz total to finish the al'bum. Since we can go N six directionz at 1ce we R also going to do a triple al'bum 1 funk, 1 rap and 1 a funk rap hybrid. Wooooooooooooooo! Can u feel teh space bees? Ahhhh! Eye can hear then but can no C them .... Got 2 go quick on the stick Mr. Flick. Word Up DogZ!

A Little Story About Our Vacation - By lil' barton

2006-03-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

Eye wuz taking a fantastic voyage last year n thought that eye wood take a walk down by the Lakeside. Eye wuz looking all around n saw Jupiter n the night sky n took n the Earth, Wind and Fire. 2 my left eye could see the internationally renowned Tower of Power n thought “This is Hip.” Eye was about 2 enter the Tower of Power when eye noticed a large meeting of Parliament wuz taking place inside. Things were crazy inside n these representatives from Ohio (players really) yelled “Fire!” Eye had Temptations n tried 2 sneak n but was stopped by the Commodore who said “Son, you’re on Shakey Ground.” The Commodore suggested that eye go 2 the Brick House near the beach. Just when eye got near the Brick House the Prince said “Come” but when eye stepped on2 the grass he screamed “Gett Off.” Eye notice that there were lots of Love Bugs - eye think that they came from the Tower of Power - that were on the ground so eye understood Y the Prince had yelled.

No Antidote 4 Space Bee

2006-03-08T11:04:00.001-08:00

So important that we write this 2x.

This just in: The space bee’s stinks at 1,0000,00,000.00 funk-o-trons per second. The stinger gun makes the sound “Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” when it fires it’s horrible space laser venom n2 u’r ear hole. No know cure exist 4 a direct sting 2 your BPU - booty processing unit. 1'ce stung a person will not bee funky N will stumble when attempting 2 get down (get down, get down!!!) 2 anything other than Barry Manilow. Another side affect iz that u 4get how 2 avoid future ear hole infections which results n the “spiral of downward departure of the funk field affect.” Obviously this will make u less funky and groovetastic until u r nothing more than a “kennyG.” Sad!

*Space Bee is a trade mark of Barton Funk and it’s funkaffiliates.

Check out this: www.germtheory.net but never read this:

No Antidote 4 Space Bee

2006-03-08T11:04:00.000-08:00

This just in: The space bee’s stinks at 1,0000,00,000.00 funk-o-trons per second. The stinger gun makes the sound “Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” when it fires it’s horrible space laser venom n2 u’r ear hole. No know cure exist 4 a direct sting 2 your BPU - booty processing unit. 1'ce stung a person will not bee funky N will stumble when attempting 2 get down (get down, get down!!!) 2 anything other than Barry Manilow. Another side affect iz that u 4get how 2 avoid future ear hole infections which results n the “spiral of downward departure of the funk field affect.” Obviously this will make u less funky and groovetastic until u r nothing more than a “kennyG.” Sad!

*Space Bee is a trade mark of Barton Funk and it’s funkaffiliates.

Check out this: www.germtheory.net but never read this:

Who stole the space bees?

2006-03-07T06:06:00.000-08:00

Zerofficial Funk-0-licious PreZZ RealEase

Hello.

We are happy to announce that we are announcing something very much in the near future past. But for now we are both proud and troubled.

The question iz who stole the space bees? The space bees entered into an exclusive contract with Barton Funk where they would only attack us and we would only run from them in fear. However it has come to our attention that other people have made claims that they have been attacked by the space bees. This is troubling in the following:

(1) The space bees are in breach of contract and owe liquidated damages in the amount of $2,0000,00,0000.99 in space honey (harvested from the ear holes of only the most intelligent funksters in the known funkiverse.

(2) The people are not being attacked by real space bees and are either being tricked or are crazy. Either situation here is rather disturbing. If they are crazy then they don’t know karate. If they are not real space bees they could be moon wasps - and let me tell you that moon wasp are not that cool.

(3) A third and more remote possibility is that people lie. But is you fake the funk then you play the punk. Word? Get the feeling about dealing junk in the trunk? Don’t lie down or up.

Another matter that has come to our attention is that some people just are not funky. If you are not funky then don’t try to come around our crib. As you can surly understand the space bees are a serious threat to the un-funked peeps. 4 real. Don’t try this at chrome it will hurt your dream dome. All I can say is that u have been warned and if you get fired from your job - if you are wack like that and have a job that is not funky and no jobs r funky like that - because your dream dome is swollen from a space bee sting then you get no sympathy from the devil or Barton Funk.

Yours,

Barton Funk

* If you have any knowledge one the above space bee situation please give us a call on the telephunk or send us a brain wave via stankonia.

Sport

2005-10-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

Sport rocks! Yeah that right, I’m not talking no stupid baseball, football (American, Canadian or soccer) or basketball, I’m talking about “Sport” the best sport ever! (Did someone say that someting calle hockey was beng played in the US and Canada? Humm .... odd we’ll look into that.) Anway, Sport rocks! If you score more goalpoints that the other 12 teams then you win! Check it out with the new “ISSL” - International Sport Sports League.

WOW! Do people really read blogs? Why do people write blogs?

Grapple Crumbs

2005-09-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Mmmmmmmmmmm! Do I love Grapple Crumbs! I mean, Heck, eve’rone loves grapples, but not every person like the crumbs. And, I have to say they are messy! A huge mess! That is why Barton Funk Brand Grapple Crumps tm are individually rolled in lard, batter dipped in flour, deep fried, bathed in honey and dipped in 100% Corinthian leather! UmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmYummmmmmmy!

It’s Official! “Barton Funk’s Christmas” Album Has Been Shelved For '05.

2005-08-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

That’s right! The eagerly awaited Album from reggae/samba/j-pop/funk/rock/grind core band Barton Funk, “BartonFunk’s Christmas”, has been indefinitely delayed. We treat this as both good and bad news. Obviously we wanted to Funk Up!!! your Christmas. So, that is sad. However, it is with great joy that we have heard that Bootsy has a Christmas Album: WWBD (What Would Bootsy Do!). So, we can wait until next year, or rework some of the songs for our “Christmas Can Funk Up the Summer” album that we have been planning for the past 5 years. So, kids it’s still going to be a funky x-mas. Just not Barton Funky :-(

2005-08-25T13:21:00.000-07:00

The 700 Clubs

Well, this is my first post. This is bartonz. I basically write all the songs {bullcrud! - lil’ barton}. Well, I write the best stuff anyway [not really! Have you heard anything that he’s written? Not Good, not at all! - b-funk]. SHUT UP! THIS IS SERIOUS! AND IT’S NOT ABOUT OUR NEW ALBUM! SO LAY OFF! {wahtever. I’m out of here. This is boring already. - lil’ barton}[Yeah, 0kay. I’m sort of hungry. I blasting out too! - b-funk] Alright! I was just reading the news and I have noticed that sometimes the news is rather political. I mean that they talk about politics. Well, to be fair not the entire news. Certainly not Oprah! She’s the best new anchor ever! But most of the time the news gets all into stuff that we don’t caer about like politics. So, all I want to say is that I would like 700 of these: http://www.antiques-houston.com/indianclubs.jpg. No, not 700 pictures, but 700 of the clubs in the picture! They do look a lot like bowling pins or the thing mimes use to juggle. Do mimes juggle? Or is it juggler who juggle? If I had 700 of these clubs I could beat the crud out of everyone. Beat’em real good. Particularly those people who try to take Oprah off the air. I mean, with out Oprah how could I get unbiased new reporting without all that politics stuff? WATCHOUT! Man, please! I really do want 700 clubs. So I can beat people. Or inanimate objects. Sure people are sort of soft when compared with a concrete building, but I hear that “the man” can put me in jail for beating people.

xoxo,

Bartonz

fluoxetine

2005-08-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

My band mates (b-funk, ‘lil barton, and 3 others who don’t want to have their name all blogged out) have informed me of a new kind of entertainment an/or leisure activity. I’m not sure which. They claim it is very lucrative (I think that they mean that people can give me - A Member of the REAL Barton Funk! - duckets!) See: http://www.rapdict.org if u r not down! I mean we - the REAL Barton Funk is or are down! We are so down that we need fluoxetine. Mmmmmm ....fluoxetine ....tasty! (Do not try this at home!) Ok, so here is the deal. The rest of the REAL Barton Funk told me that if I just quit the band that I could play this new lucrative ( Gettin’ chips!) Entertainment and/or leisure activity. The said that I woudl need to split any cabbage 5 ways to Sunday. So, all in all that is not bad. What I need to do - other than quit the band - is go to the place that we get food and hand out all day. Yep! That’s it! I will have to wear one of the funny yellow hats and give food to people like me who are hungry. (HEY, rats! I forgot to say REAL Barton Funk in the house!) And so then that has to be fun! I mean, darn, I’m at the food place all the time anyway since the Space Bees destroyed my brain house. So I can get, like , loot for doing the same thing. And that yellow shirt, cap and pants with the letter “M” will be cool since I don’t have any other clothes anyway. Maybe I should change my name to “M” that way I’d be cool. Okay, this is b-funk over and stout! {h3y, h0m3b0yz! T|-|!5 !z l!l’ 84R+0n. B-funk iz a fool! We just want to get him out of the band! He doesn’t sing, rap or play any instrument. He was just in the band for his brain house, and now that is gone. Darn Space Bee! They can be so cruel! How can they destroy his brain house and thereby make Barton Funk go brain houseless? Devils! OK, l4+3r!}

Sorry Had to Hide .... But I took a photo!

2005-08-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hey! Back! i had to go hide for a while. Problems with "the band" if u know what I'm slayin'. Tried to get too funky and then watch punky brewster. Nutin'! Anyway, I took a photo. That was cool. Ok. Now waht! Its the "doorbell of the mind" soundin' off! Go to go see who' knot home. Flater.

hey peeps! it me lil' barton ....

2005-06-04T13:11:00.000-07:00

hey, we got 2 keep it quiet, but i just want to say hello. they don't let me use the computing thing much since last time i sent us to last night - and that was three years ago. so, i don't really understand what these guys are talking about. i'm just stuck here on their ride and then they stole my name - my name is barton funk, Jr., the third - and then they stole my name and the space bees think that it's me funkin' it all up for everyone. eye can't funk. eye wish they would give me my name back - along with my butterfly milk. oh, darn .... i got to go for now. Just never mind the "WE ARE BARTON ..." stuff .... i'm barton and i would never funk you up. or send the space bees to hurt you puppy.

Barton Funk Goes Cursing

2005-06-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

(Tell them about the new game!) Ok, Shhhhhh! Just last night we, The ONLY Barton Funk, came across a new game called “cursing.” We, being the funkateers that we are modified the game a touch. (But how do they play?) Yeah, I’ll explain just shut up! We got to keep the Sir Nose down because he is trying to steal our funk, and you know we don’t have much funk left in the tank! So, Shhhhhh! Anyway, sorry. So how do you play “Barton Funk Goes Cursing: The Game?” ok, first, every time you hear a person use a curse work – like darn, drat, shucks or blast – you have to drink a glass of butterfly milk. (Man, that doesn’t tell them people what’s up! Tell them why the game is so hard!) Ok, the catch is that you have to drink the butterfly milk from the glass that we found on the floor of the “massage parlor” – that’s what the people on Spark call them. (Man, Spark is cool we need that again for sure!) yeah, Spark is cool, but if you want a massage just don’t go to the “massage parlor.” It’s a frontal lobotomy clinic where people who can’t stand the cool life of Spark go to “retire.” So, any way that the word up on “Barton Funk Goes Cursing: The Game.” If we find …. (dude, do we have to go?) Yes. Ok, If we find …. (Why?) Because you know bou the network flux loophole will open in 2 hours and we need to be ready. (Oooooooh! Yeah, don’t want to miss that?) Anyway, If we find … (Uh, what is the network flux loophole?) Ahhhhh! We’ll tell you about more games we have played later. And catch SOME OF US up on network flux loopholes.

Space Bees

2005-06-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

We have 2 say that we do have a phobia of Space Bees. They R out 2 get us (and U2 - u as a person not the band!) N case U are not familiar with Space Bees here is the deal: (1) Space Bees live N Space, (2) Space is relative, but exist N spite of the Space Bees violent “transcend thought time” fluctuato – yes it’s a fluctuato not a fluctuator, (3) Space Bees R like killer bees except they have laser guns N can fly at warp alpha 5000.

As eye am sure U can see by now the Space Bees R a terrible threat 2 Barton Funk. THE REAL AND ONLY BARTON FUNK! BARTON FUNK must stay N out underground funker N get crunk to keep those darn Space Bees out of our ear holes.

Oh 5h! +! Shut up! BARTON FUNK thinks that we hear them now. Need 2 go funk it up so we don’t get any Space Bee ear honey. You do not want that Space Bee ear honey! No! No! No!

More on the Space Bees later!!

Yeah! Victory.

We are the real Barton Funk!

2005-06-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

First things first! WE ARE THE REAL BARTON FUNK. NO OTHERS EXIST B4 US AND NO OTHERS CAN EXIST AFTER US (unless they pay us money.)

THIS IS THE REAL BARTON FUNK

G0ldfrapp - D0 not G0 2 link iPunk iComputers

Blogs r still dead ... and we r proof

Blogs are DEAD

Sorry for the trouble, and thanks for all the help!

Space Sea Monkey’s Repellent

Where The Bloody Hell R The Fundz????????

Oh Know! Eye Kneed Help!

A Little Story About Our Vacation - By lil' barton

No Antidote 4 Space Bee

No Antidote 4 Space Bee

Who stole the space bees?

*****Sport*****

Grapple Crumbs

It’s Official! “Barton Funk’s Christmas” Album Has Been Shelved For '05.

fluoxetine

Sorry Had to Hide .... But I took a photo!

hey peeps! it me lil' barton ....

Barton Funk Goes Cursing

Space Bees

We are the real Barton Funk!

Sport